Today, the wife and I finished up a two day painting project involving some furniture that my mom had found at a yard sale. At first I had my own reservations about taking the furniture in because of all the invisible strings attached to something like that.
I was told that it was going to be a simple set of headboards, drawers and a desk with a little book shelf on top. In truth, the furniture was a lot different then what we were expecting as far as shape, size and quality. It's the older kind of furniture, the kind that can last and be moved from one home to another without falling apart along the way. It looked like it could take a beating and from some of the scratches and scraps it looked like it already had.
So the wife decided that we should paint it...
And this turned into a weekend long project where we spent most of our time outside in the sun putting multiple coats of white and pink.
And just when we finish up and show our children. How do they react?
They hate it.
Last night the wife and I were up late last night.
Currently, I'm sitting in an office waiting for my friend to get finished talking to his doctor. I've been doing this for the last couple of weeks, and it is has been nice to see my friend a little bit more. I feel that we've both have been walking our own paths and neither one of us is happy about it. When we see each other, we get a chance to talk about our own grievances and help cheer each other on as we make our way towards are respective goals.
For me, I've been playing with the idea of doing affirmations and spending time everyday writing out 5 things that I'm excited/happy about as well as grateful for.
As for my friend, I don't know all the things that he is doing to relieve stress and just move forward with his life. I kind of just want to give him a big hug and tell him that it's going to be alright, but I know that isn't going to be enough. It isn't enough for me either and when it comes to stuff like this, you have make your own choices on how you are going to make yourself a better person.
Today, the whole family went running.
It sucks soooo bad that I sometimes wonder why I even bother in the first place. Was the subject of what we were fighting over so big that we have to go through this? Do the highs of our relationship really outweigh the lows?
Part of me tells me to just relax because this is part of what relationships are about. Highs and lows. We've been having some rough spots because I've lost my job and the money has gotten a lot tighter. We both have our expectations of what should and shouldn't be.
Another part of me is angry at the world. Angry at where I am. Angry at myself.
I was having a fairly good day and I didn't want to walk into that familiar routine of being her punching bag. I'm tired of taking other people's
redacted and I dumped it back on her with other stuff as well.
And then she just laughed.
That's where I went wrong. I got angry. I got very angry and said that I sometimes don't like coming home to her because of her attitude. I might have said some other stuff too. I don't remember all of it, but I'm sure she'll remind me.
I went for a walk before it got bigger. I came home. We didn't look at each other. She took the girls. We slept in separate rooms.
Now I'm sitting at a coffee shop.
I might as well be sitting in the middle of Antarctica for all the distance and coldness between us.
I went for a run today by myself.
I haven't had any exercise in a while and it was great to get out of my head and hit the dusty trail... which actually isn't dusty because it's paved. Although I do enjoy the benefits of running, I don't really enjoy it. I don't get a thrill of having the wind in my hair or seeing the scenery change as I speed along the paths and trails.
Maybe I'm not going that fast.
Tomorrow, I plan on going to my first yoga class at a local studio and I'm pretty excited about it. It's a new way of caring for myself and I have to make that a priority.
Speaking of making myself a priority
I've typed up a new list of affirmations for myself, but I'm honestly afraid to put them in a place that I can see them every day. I've played with the idea of making a script to pop them up when I first log into my computer in the morning, but that time usually changes depending on what I'm doing that day. I've also thought about putting them up in the bathroom, but I'm embarrassed about how I would explain that to my children and afraid that my wife might say something about that.
I looked at that last sentence and thought, 'Hey, I can't live that way. If I'm going to make myself a better person, I need to do this for me.'
So, I guess I'll be printing them up now.
I was in a dark place. It was a cage with other people and a couple lights above us.
I could hear people walking across and i knew who they were.
They were being judged and they were going to heaven.
and then a man came down dressed in black and drinking a cup of coffee. he asked "why should you live?" as he sipped his drink and sat down.
"how can i find my pashion," i yelled.
he almost spat out his coffee...
he readjusted himself in the chair and repeated the question as if i hadnt said anyhting.
i felt like i was doomed and helpless. that nothing i said or did would change anything...
i feeling that im too familiar with...
and then the alarm went off.
A while ago I came across some questions to consider everytime that I do a review of my tasks. The problem is that I've attached the questions to a task in OmniFocus and -honestly- I don't think it's helpful to do something like that unless I think and write about it.
Is this system trustworthy? If not, why not? Do I need to make better backups?
No, there are two major problems with the personal productivity. The first is that I don't schedule enough time for something. How can I finish a task when I don't make any time for it. Secondly, I don't do enough positive reviews. I need to do a review every day to make sure that tasks don't fall through the cracks and I don't overwhelm myself. I find most of my reviews are when I'm under the gun. Not a good thing.
Is there a next actionable task? Can it actually be readily done?
Yes... for the most part. I have a couple projects that have items like "Brainstorm next action".
When do I anticipate looking at this next action’s context?
This goes back to the first question.
What will this project look like when it is done?
Depends on the project, baby.
When do I think I’ll need to see this project again?
That also depends on the project.
So for the last couple of months I've been carrying a large spiral notebook that I got from staples. I had planned on using it to capture ideas and as The One Tool that would change all of my disorganization into a simple constantly productive life. As will all my new tools it was great for getting thoughts down and being able to read them over.
The only major problem I had was that I could put it in my pocket and just leave right away, I had to have some kind of bag or give up a free hand in order to carry it.
Another thing is that my daughters see it and think "Hey, it drawing time" and now it's halfway filled with their little snippets of stories and artwork.
Personally, it's made it even easier to keep around.
Today I went to a blogging workshop and I found it really interesting. At first, I was worried that it would filled with the standard novice information like how to get on the internet being taught by someone took 15 minutes to get some information off the internet and put it into a powerpoint presentation to read to use.