My personal blog hasn't been changed in over a year. I've been waiting for that perfect moment when it would be ready for the world. Unfortunately, it's been stifled because of my own drive for it to be perfect before it sees the world.
Honestly, I don't think anyone reads it and it's not going to get better unless I put some time into it.
But before I put any more effort into it, I want to take some time and write about why I should keep it in the first place.
Web Technology is cool
I like working on the web. Until this point, I never thought that I'd be considering a career where I'd be working on the web, but I've spent a lot of my life working or playing with something that is some how web related.
Play around with different tech
At the bare minimum, having a website allows you to play around with what can happen on the inter-webs and make that part of what people find when they google, bing or duck-duck-go your name.
My Part of the web
Ultimately, having your own website is about control. I control the content and what it looks like and if I choose. I can shut it down.
Provide a Place to Share My Opinion
I don't say much, but I know that this is the perfect platform because I choose to write here and I don't have to worry too much about saying "the wrong thing."
Well, it seems like even Paula Deen has said it too. And it looks like a lot of people have a strong reaction to this. Her sponsor has dropped her and even the food network has severed her ties with her. "People" -I use the term loosely- are going back on forth on forums about how it's unfair to do this to her because some of the best selling rappers use the word like a particle of speech.
Personally, I think the outrage is too much. Doing this isn't helping race relations.
I'm not going to give you a history lesson on the N-word. Most people in America already know what it means. If you don't know what it means, take some time and watch Roots or Django Unchained.
All I can think about are my own experiences.
People yelling it out of cars
Most of the times that I've heard the N-word shouted at me was when I had someone drive past me and yell the word from a moving vehicle. I've had people throw things at me as they were doing it.
One instance was when our neighbor's boyfriend had yelled it at me after I had threatened to call the cops on him for yelling at his girlfriend.
None of these people knew anything about me other than I was black.
Children Yelling at Each Other
Sometimes, when I take my kids to the park I hear some of the younger kids say it to each other. Sometime to intimidate and anger each other and other times as a general insult.
I sometimes see how some of the children will gang up on the other and use it in hopes that the one being teased (usually a smaller kid and never the largest) will fight back.
I wonder if the kids are mimicking TV or just there life at home and feel sad for them that this is what they do when their parents are around.
I enjoy a lot of things, like music and movies. One of my favorite things to do is to watch a movie or listen to some stand up. In fact, some of my favorite comedians are Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle.
All three of them have had jokes that can be considered derogatory.
When it comes to movies, a lot of the "black films" that I've seen in recent years have had the phrase "Nigga, please" or some kind of derivative.
I remember a couple times, when I've had "discussions" with my parents about how I don't "talk black".
Honestly, the most memorable use of the N-word that I've heard happened when I was at a NSBE conference back in 2003.
The speaker had painted an image of how a group of runaway slaves had been captured by some kind of bounty hunters and how some of them were going to be killed as an example. One of the runaways had just given birth and was pleading to be spared.
The slaver shot her dead.
Then stomped the baby.
And said "Nigger".
As if it was less than trash.
This was a powerful image, because it hit me that the N-word is the same word people would use to kill as to chide.
That makes no sense to me.
Do other races see it that bad
I don't know if other races, think about words used for them. And honestly, I've only know a couple. Most notably mexicans.
What are we going to do?
Well, we can all jump to arms and point fingers, but I doubt that is going to help anyone out in this situation.
Don't hide it
I feel we all need to be a little more open to the fact that people are going to say things that we don't like.
And honestly, there are people out there that even the worst words are too good for them.
It is up to all of us to be a little understanding and let people express themselves to a degree.
Otherwise, how are they going to learn? And how are we going to know?
We have a long way to go in race relations. I consider myself very lucky to be in America and even more lucky to be in California. I know we've made huge strides in equality and learning to live with other ethnic groups.
Still, there is more to this case than just the N-word. The lawsuit that brought this to light talks about other forms of harassment and I think that as human beings we should focus on that in regards to Paula Deen.
I wanted to write something today. That's the whole reason for this post. My mind is kind of wandering and I wanted to put some of those thoughts someplace where I can look at them again.
The Dog Smells
We've had our dog, Puddles, for almost a year and the first thing that comes to mind when I think about him is that he smells. He really, really smells.
From the very first moment that we had him, we noticed that he had a certain odor about him.
We had hoped that it was only because he was being rescued, but despite the regular bathing, the special shampoos and changes in diet…
He still smells.
Well after having nightmares about it for the last couple of nights, I can now rest easy now that the pancake breakfast is over.
And what a breakfast it was, at first things were moving really slowly as the people trickled two and three at a time and I was actually afraid that we wouldn't be able to make enough money to break even with the costs of all the supplies.
And then the boom dropped.
I found myself constantly mixing batter to keep up with a constant stream of hungry customers. In fact, I heard that there was a story of people who went through the line 3 times.
Tomorrow, I’m going to be leading the parents of my daughter’s kindergarten class in our first and only fundraiser.
The (in)famous pancake breakfast.
This was an activity that they told us about at the very beginning of the school year (6 months ago) and I’ve honestly have been kind of dreading that this day would come.
It’s not so much volunteering to do it as it is getting the parents to help out. Although our school has a policy where every parent is required to volunteer 40 hours over the entire school year or donate 20 bucks per hour, I feel that not everyone is able to jump on board and help support us with this.
I’m not angry and I understand that not everyone can help this week, but since I’m the one who is responsible for this if it fails...
I’m just happy that the class that my daughter is in has a lot of top notch parents who really want this to succeed and understand that even the little bit of help can go a long way.
Especially if you tell me about it so I don’t go crazy thinking about what could go wrong.
One thing of personal note is that all the stress of the pancake breakfast has gotten me back in front of the computer to write again. There have been a number of moments that I’ve been wishing for my journal and tonight is one of them.